"And I Have Made Up My Mind That Those Days Are Gone..."

I will try to do a better job of writing here. Not that anyone really reads it. I mean I post it on Facebook, not to say, "Here look at me, read my stuff." But to let people know what is going on in my life. I am an open person and If you are going to be my friend, I expect that back. I guess that is why I post it on Facebook. Only my true friends are on Facebook. I'm not one of those people who have people on their facebook just so they will have a lot of connections. I'm not sure that's what FB was intended for. Why should I have someone I went to school with, that I never talked to, or they never talked to me, on my FB? I don't. In fact I probably need to go through and delete some people from my Friends list that I no longer talk to. I will post this before I do, In case I delete you and then you can remember this post I put up and know why I did...

So a lot of stuff is happening or has happened. First the disappointing news... I did not make the Cast List of "NOAH!" It is mostly disappointing because it is the BIGGEST audition I have ever done. It was a BIG rejection. I have a lot of different thought on the results and what this is supposed to mean for me... Maybe this biz just is not what I am supposed to be doing. Maybe I am doomed to be in Community Theatre for the rest of my life. You know, maybe I am not supposed to get paid to do what I love. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with Community Theatre. I LOVE IT! I really do. Other thoughts.... maybe that was just a learning experience.... sort of a class before the big one... I don't know...
I will be, however, doing THE PROMISE again this year. I probably will not be playing the role of JESUS this year either. I just cut off all of my hair:( But, I would not expect to be cast in that part this year regardless. I am sure that Andy wanted to do it this year. He did it 5 or 6 years ago and has wanted to try it again. I do not have a problem with it, but I do know If I were to audition for the same role as him, I would not be cast over him for different particular reasons... enough said. I Love THE PROMISE. I look forward to it every year. This will be my fourth year in it. I played Jesus the first TWO years and Joseph this last year. It is one of the most rewarding things to do. It really lets you express what you believe in through music like nothing I have done before. Maybe I can convince my mom or Amanda to be in it this year. I think they would enjoy it.

On more positive news... I AM GOING TO BE A DADDY! This is such good news! We really wanted this so badly and God has granted it to us this chance once again. She starts her SECOND trimester next week. That is VERY good news. The risks of miscarriage diminish immensely after the First Trimester. So far we have had TWO sonograms and last week we got to hear Our Baby's heartbeat. It was amazing. January 20th, we go for an ultrasound and we get to find out the sex of the baby.. if we want to. I really want to, but I also want to be surprised, so I don't know... Believe it or not, we have already agreed on a few names. This is BIG news, because Amanda and I cannot decide on things like where to eat or get a haircut, let alone our child's name... We are very happy. It is upsetting that I no longer have someone who they can call uncle. Or someone to be their Godfather...

I think that this is a door for me... I have always hated change. Changes that are bad anyway. I always had a hard time when family moved away, or friends moved away and it is even harder when friends no longer are your friends. I have always sort of just stopped my life and let others proceed with theirs. I never moved on with my life. I think that time for me is over. I have to start moving on. And if the people that I want to be in the picture want to be there also, so be it. But it is up to them if they want to be in my life. I'm moving on...

"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on"

Why My Music Doesn't Play...

It's 6:40 AM. I am awake. I have not been to bed yet. I can't. I can't sleep. I just can't manage to lay down and fall asleep anymore... I can't. I can't stop thinking. I can't stop thinking. I can't stop thinking. I think. I think. And then I get upset. And I cry... I cry. Because I think, I cry...

I am so lost. I am lost. Just lost. Im lost because I have lost. I have lost and now I am lost.

I have lost so much in less than a year. More than I remember I am sure. But what I do remember is enough.

I lost a nephew. A nephew. A baby. He was a baby boy. My sister miscarried an 8 month old baby boy. She delivered an 8 month old baby boy. Are you understanding me?! Do you get it!!!? An 8 month old baby boy died inside of my sister! She lost a son and I lost a nephew! She gave birth to a baby boy who never cried. He never cried. He never cried. He never laughed. He never clenched her finger with his tiny hands. He was still. I was in the same room as a still baby. I saw my nephew. 8 months old. Perfect little boy. Still. Quiet. Nothing. Do you get it? Do you get it? My mother held her first grandchild. Still. She held her first grandchild and it was still. Nothing. No crying. Do you understand what I am saying to you? You don't. You can't. I hope you never do.

I lost a child. I lost a child. My wife and I lost a baby. Not as old as my nephew. 2 months old. Still a baby. My wife carried a child for two months and overnight, it was gone. Taken. That was a baby. Do you get it? Do you understand? I was a father and overnight, I was nothing. Amanda was a mother and overnight, nothing. We were excited. We were happy. What was it? What did we do. It was my fault. I take the blame. I know why. Im so sorry. But you will never understand. I hope you never understand.

I lost a companion. Our first pet. Mine and Amanda's first pet together. It may seem small and insignificant, but being so close to other losses... it was tragic. I held him for his last hour of life. Breathing heavy. Deep... then nothing... then deep... then nothing. It was death... again. Why? Fair? For who? Not me. Not her. Not us. do you get it yet? You don't.

I lost my grandmother. In a way, my grandmother had been gone for 15 years. Alzheimer's took her very slowly from her family and everyone that she loved. I grew up at her house. I walked to her house everyday. Drank lemon tea and played scrabble in the living-room on the floor by the sliding glass door. I knew something was wrong. She started confusing me with other grandchildren. Grandchildren from Chicago whom she saw once a year. How could she do that? I didn't get it. I do now. She fought back against the darkening memories for 15 years. Do you get it? 15 years. That's unheard of. This spring, however, she was too overpowered. I got a call. I rushed up there. And was there. Staring at death... once again. Fourth time in 6 months. I watched my grandmother take her last breath. I watched the life that was in her just disappear. She was gone. You don't get it.

I lost my best friend. Why? I don't know. I don't get it? We lost touch. One of us tried and failed. The other sat on the sidelines while everything fell apart. He watched it burn. He watched it fade. He didn't even care. How can all of your childhood, suddenly mean nothing? How? How can you not try? How can you sit back, and watch it vanish. How can you see everything happening to him, and not do anything? It doesn't matter now. You don't get it? Do you?

I lost trust with my wife. She cannot trust me anymore, and with good reason. I have done things in the past, and she now knows. Were together. I don't get it. Why is she still with me? I don't deserve her. Would I be as forgiving?

I don't think people realize how much I have lost. It is so personal. It's so real and I can't deal with it. I can't sleep, I can't focus. I have a constant headache. Constant pain in my head. Constant. Consistent pain. And I can't deal with it. Do you get it? Do you understand what I've been through. What we have been through? Do you get it. You don't and I hope you never do.

Something has changed within me...

It has been a while since the last time I blogged. I was getting very good at keeping up on my writing. I looked back and the last blog was July 7th! I am going to try harder to blog more. Not that I have people who read, I think it is good to have a forum to go to to "vent" sometimes.

I have realized a lot of things this summer. I have learned many things over the course of this year alone.

People are undependable. People let other people down. People are disappointing. People make mistakes. People are ignorant. People are misled. People are not perfect.
I am no exception. Lets start here. I have messed up a lot of things in my life. My marriage, my family, and some of my friends. Now, My marriage is fine, lets not jump to conclusions. I have just made a lot of mistakes and hurt my wife along the way. Selfishness has a lot to do with it. My wife, Amanda, has been very understanding and has gone through more than anyone should ever have to. She has been by my side from the beginning of all of my troubles. I love her dearly. I have hurt my family in ways that can't really be said. As for my friends, I am not sure how many friends I have. Who do you call your friend? A friend to me is someone you can go to anytime, tell them anything, and know that they will be understanding and help you in the long run. So... I am not even sure if I have a friend. I know that Amanda is My Best Friend. As far as other people... Not one.

I have realized this summer that friends come and go. It hurts that I had to realize this through my Best friend. We were unseperable. And now, just a few years later, were completely seperated. This is no thanks to me. Let me be perfectly clear. I try to keep our relationship going. Through text and facebook and phonecalls. Still, nothing. He is the one who does not want me to know him anymore. He is undependable, he is disappointing, he is being misled and he is ignorant and most of all, he has let me down. I was supposed to be his best friend. I am not okay with this shut out and never will be, but I do have to realize that it is out of my control and start moving on.

So, moving on I am. Earlier this month, I auditioned for a BIG show in Branson, MO! NOAH the musical. You can explore the show here... http://www.sight-sound.com/WebSiteSS/getlanguages.do I sang, I danced, and I gave my monologue. I feel the audition process went very well. I never say that about anything I do, so that scares me. After the auditions, they sent some people home. Then, they started measuring some people. One of those people was me! They took every body measurement that they would need for costuming. I don't know if this is good news or not. So I had a short interview after that and was sent home. I later ran into one of the people who auditioned that day with me. He is working in TN at a show called The Miracle. I actually saw him in May. He was amazing. We talked for a while and I asked him if he had heard anything about casting and he said that they would not sign anyone on until around November. He did not even get an answer and he was amazing, so I feel pretty good at the moment. So now, I wait until the fall... If nothing happens, I tried. Our plans right now is to keep moving forward. Our goal is to move to Branson by January. That will happen.

I am reminded of a monologue given by Tom Hanks in Castaway. He says, "And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
So no matter what happens, not matter what friends I lose, or what mistakes I make, thats what I will do. I will keep breathing. The sun will rise, the sun will set and the tide can bring anything my way.

I am Falling! Who will pick me up?

I am still learning. I have to realize this. I do not know everything there is to know and I NEVER will. I do know that.

I believe that life is full of challenges from God. I know that these challenges are not meant to bring us down, but help us overcome.

It's like climbing a mountain. The terrain is full of obstacles to overcome. The goal is to reach the top and the top is where everyone wants to be. Most inexperienced climbers will have some sort of guide or map to make it up the mountain, whether it be a book or actual person. Some people choose to go at it alone. Most of those people find it very difficult to climb without any sort of knowledge or preparation. But the most people will find it much easier to rely on the guide for, well, guidance!

God throws all sorts of obstacles our way. I think that the things that God throws are things that we do that might not be according to His will so He tries to make us aware of that. For example, a career path that you might want to pursue. The key word here is want to pursue. We want a lot of things. I want a lot of things, but we need to be aware of what God has planned for us. You can do whatever you want. God has given you that choice, but He knows what is best for us and the things that we should be doing. Be aware that if things are not working out according to your plan, take a step back, and look at it from a different point of view. Ask yourself, "Is this what I am SUPPOSED to be doing?" as opposed to "Is this what I WANT to do?" These can be two very different things.

The obstacles that satan throws are very different than the obstacles that God places in our lives. You see, I think that satan distracts you from your goal, and then that becomes an obstacle to overcome. (Wanting VS Needing) Satan can throw things at you to distract your eyes from the goal. Perhaps he throws things in your direction that you spend money on, that maybe you should not be spending money on. Or perhaps satan leads you to places that you shouldnt be in. Or maybe he puts things in front of your eyes that distract you from the ultimate goal. These little distractions, that may look good, or feel good, or sound good can quickly become your focus.

So the difference between God's obstacles and Satan's obstacles is very simple. God wants you to learn and overcome. Satan wants you to be torn down and led astray.

God says that he will never throw an obstacle our way that is too much to overcome. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

God, however, will take you to the breaking point. He will allow you to suffer all the way up until you reach your hand out to that guide. Imagine yourself struggling all of your life. Everything you do seems to lead to nowhere and everything around you is falling apart. Your climbing that mountain side and slip, fall to your knees, grab the earth under you to hold on long enough to ask for help. At that moment you are rescued from your eternal fall by your guide.

Jesus can be your guide through the uphill battle we call life. With his map (Bible) we can climb the mountain being pushed and pulled by our saviour, Jesus Christ.

If Anyone Knows What It Is Like To Be Marred, It's Me and Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson. In my opinion, Michael Jackson has created some of the best pieces of music of all time! He has changed the way we hear music. Thanks to Michael Jackson, we got to SEE music. He actually performed in such a way that we could SEE the music. We could see every beat of music that he performed.
He opened doors for many musicians. He was the first black megastar! He was the King of Pop.

He had a heart. He gave so much to so many people and I think that if we really looked into his heart, we could all learn something from him. He loved life, music and children and he believed that children were more important than anything in this world.

He was accused of some things that were never proved to be true. Through it all, I never believed that he could be capable of something so vile. I believe that Michael Jackson just loved children in a way that we see as weird.

We cannot look into someones heart. I only see what is on the outside. You can only see what is on the outside. The only one who can see what is truly in someones heart is God. He knows all, sees all, and hears all.

We are not allowed to judge, for God is the ultimate judge.

We see people in the media, the way that the media show us. What they say about someone does not justify who they are as a person.

Michael Jackson was an innocent King, whose throne was marred by people of greed. People who would do anything to bring someone down. He simply could not have hurt anyone. He loved too much... That was his crime.

This is just one example of him putting Children first. He could have done so much at this superbowl to glorify himself, instead, he chose to take this time, where millions would be watching, to touch millions of hearts around the globe. Watch...

Rest In Peace?

What is RIP? What does this mean? Rest in Peace. I mean... of course it is a gesture of kindness. I just do not think people understand the simplicity and vagueness of this idiom, or the lack of reference to eternal life.

"RIP (Rest In Peace) - to lie dead peacefully for eternity."

Now do you get it? Why would someone say RIP? It has no hope. No joy. It simply is a wish for the BODY to lie in peace... the body... the temple... the part of us that dies.
My theory on this matter is simply lack of education in definition of the term. People just think RIP is an expression of sincerity. To give people a sense of hope or happy feeling. Most people take it that way... not me.
If you want to show sincerity or give someone hope, say something about the soul, or eternal life after this test.

We should say LIP! (Live In Peace!) Why? Because the body dies. This is fact. But the soul never dies. Also fact. So after the death of our body, your soul either goes to Heaven or Hell. So why not say LIP? I declare that from here on out, I will NEVER say RIP. The body does not need rest. It does not need peace. Your soul needs rest and your soul needs peace!

LIP CASSIE! Live in Peace.

Earth Renovated!

I think about it everyday. It is always on my mind and I should not think of it in the sense that I do. "The End" is coming. There is an end to everything. Everything "Earthly", that is. God let John see what was coming. In Revelation 21:1-4 - "And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." It is so amazing and brings me to tears just thinking about the grace of GOD! Verse 4 is my favorite! AND GOD SHALL WIPE AWAY ALL TEARS FROM THEIR EYES; AND THERE SHALL BE NO MORE DEATH, NEITHER SORROW, NOR CRYING, NEITHER SHALL THERE BE ANY MORE PAIN: FOR THE FORMER THINGS ARE PASSED AWAY!

Of course, this vision is God's new Jerusalem! He is setting this kingdom up right now. When this time comes, the new city will float down from heaven, upon this new earth. This earth is going to undergo some major changes. It is never going to END. The earth will never die, but the earth as we know it will be no more. It will be changed, just as we will be changed. SO here we all are, after everything is said and done and this Kingdom just comes out of the heavens and in the next instance we hear a great voice say, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God!" So who's voice is this? Who is going to say this? Is it God? I believe that it is Gabriel. Gabriel's main purpose is to bring messages to God's people. SO I believe the GREAT voice is Gabriel. I can't even begin to imagine what that great voice will sound like! I believe when Gabriel speaks you will feel it rumble through you whole body! But here we are with this new kingdom and then, God will be with us! We will dwell with God. The thought of being with God makes me fall to my knees. I can't imagine looking upon the face of the creator, in all his glory and mercy. It will be so overbearing it would make you want to cry! But there will be no more tears. Thank God! God is going to stop all tears. NO more death! No sorrow! No crying! No Pain! can you imagine! you better start getting excited. I can't wait for there to be no more sorrow. Think of all the sorrow that goes on in one day in this world, let alone a week, month, year, decade. All of the tragedies that happen over time, wars, hatred, bombings, terrorists, plagues, famine, diseases! Cancer! Tumors! THERE WILL BE NO MORE PAIN! NO MORE SORROW! Why is this?

Because the former things are passed away! God will change this world...

Why would anyone not want this for eternity? Why would someone deliberately reject the gift of salvation! Are you happy when tragedy strikes. Do you like to cry, to hurt, to see people die! If you like pain then you will enjoy hell, because there is going to be pain like you can never imagine! Heaven and Earth have only one thing in common. The inability to die. Death will not be granted to those in hell. You will suffer forever. Imagine, burning forever... If you want that, it is very easy to get. If you want what was shown to John, the everlasting peace and fellowship with the creator of the earth and stars, all you have to do is give your life to Jesus Christ. God loves us. He made us to love. And we strayed too far from his fellowship, so he sent His son Jesus to die on an awful cross to pay for the sins that you have committed. If you accept that salvation, if you say, "Yes, God, I am a sinner. I have sinned. And I believe that you sent your Son to die for me. I accept your son into my heart. Forgive me of my sins God." and you mean that with all of your heart, you are saved. AMEN!

Don't Waste Opportunity to Serve God; Do Your Duty as Man

This is something that I wrote a few months ago... just thoughts...



Ecclesiastes 12
1Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;
2While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain:
3In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened,
4And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low;
5Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets:
6Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.
7Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
8Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.
9And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed, and sought out, and set in order many proverbs.
10The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth.
11The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.
12And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
13Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
14For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

And so it tells us here that we are to be taking advantage of EVERY opportunity to serve God, because one day, those opportunities will be taken away from every one of us.
(Verse 1) In our youth, we are to Remember our Creator. The word REMEMBER in this verse does'nt mean to recall Him but it means to Fear Him and to Love Him. We are supposed to Honor Him as Our Master and Maker of All Things. It says that we are supposed to do this in our early years. Before Old Age sets in. That way, we will have established solid ground to build the rest of our lives on. God is that solid ground! Deuteronomy 6:5 says: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. Love God.
(Verses 2-5) These are all signs of time. Our bodies are subject to time. We will all grow old. Now in these verses it gives us examples of how the body gets old and what eventually will happen. When the keepers of the house shall tremble and the strong men shall bow themselves: It says that as we grow old, we will tremble when we walk and stoop over and will need the aids of other objects to hold us up. The grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of windows be darkened: We will lose teeth and have few or none and those of us who have vision, will start to lose it. And the doors shall be shut in the streets when the grinding is low: Our ears our subject to time. We will start to lose hearing. And he shall rise up at the voice of the bird: We will wake up early and not be able to sleep as long as we used to or might like to. And all the daughters of musick shall be brought low: We might lose our ability to speak clearly or to sing clearly or we might lose our voices completely. And the almond tree shall flourish: When an almond tree blossoms the blossoms on the tree arest of pure white. Almost like a grey tint to them. Our hair will fade and turn grey. And desire shall fail: Here it is talking about a loss of appetite. It is common for someone, during death, to not have an appetite. Now, when all of these things happen to ourselves, what do we start to do? We start looking for things that will help us. Things that will make life just a little easier. We have canes and walkers and wheelchairs and all means of transportation aids to help us out when we can't move like we used to. We have false teeth to help us chew and talk. We have glasses and contacts to help us see. We have hearing aids to help us hear. We even have medicine, to help us sleep! We have hair dye to hide our grey hairs. God is telling us here that if we seek Him while we are young if we know the way we are supposed to live from the start, you will not have to rely on anything but HIM! So how are you able to know the word without seeing it? How are you able to know the word through song without being able to hear? By building your life on the solid rock from the beginning! Matthew 7:24 says: Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock.
(Verses 6-8) It says here that we are all subject to phyical death. Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it. Genesis 2:7 says: And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. God gives us life and God takes it away. What stops all of us from making use of our time here? It says in the next verse, that vanity is it. We are vain. PRIDE. We have too much pride. If we go to church an others see us, what will they think? If I stop going to the bars, what will my friends say? If I stop drinking, I'm not going to be seen as cool anymore. If I stop getting high, my friends are going to think I am a loser. I am going to lose social position in the whole community! I am going to be laughed at for this! I am going to lose friends for this! You may give up one or two friends for this journey, but you will have gained Jesus as your best friend. What a friend we have in Jesus!
(Verses 9-12) And through all of this sin and vanity, the preacher keeps on preaching. He keeps on because he knows that this is his duty. Matthew 5:14 says: Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid. Nobody will get out of this wold without hearing the word of God. He kept preaching. He knew that if he led even one person closer to Jesus Christ, that it would be worth it all.
(Verses 13-14) The wrath of God is great! Nobody shall escape His wrath. There is coming a great judgement. Everyone is going to be judged accordingly. Everything that you have done, everything that you have said and everything that you have even thought of is going to be judged against you. For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or wheter it be evil. There are no secrets with God. He knows all sees all and hears all! What you do on your weekends, He sees. What you do in your home, He sees. What you say on the telephone, He hears. What you say at school or at work or at a ballgame He hears and what you. Say it as quietly or as loudly as you want. He hears. And you will be held accountable. And If you are'nt one of His, you will be cast out of His sight forever. You will have no more chances. You will have no more pleas of salvation. Matthew 25:41 says: Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. To burn forever with Satan and every single person who has ever walked this earth and rejected Jesus Christ. Think of the pain that just a little burn on your hand or arm or foot causes. You can escape that fire. You can escape the grip of Satan. How do you do this? Fear God and keep His commandments for this is the whole duty of man. For what is the first and greatest commandment? Jesus said Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And if you love God, you would accept His gift of salvation. You would not show any pride and you would bow before everyone and say Jesus, here I am. You died for me and I am thankful. I want to spend eternity with you and escape that awful place called hell. I accept you now as my personal savior.

"Things that weigh on my mind" for $500 Alex...

The Wages of Sin IS Death
Ephesians 5:1-20
1Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
2And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
3But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
4Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
5For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
6Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
7Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
8For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
9(For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
10Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
11And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
12For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.
13But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.
14Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.
15See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
16Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
17Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.
　
Key Verse
Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
　
1 and 2 - We must follow God’s path to get into the Kingdom of Heaven! But we must follow God as His Children and no other way! The path to heaven is narrow and the road to hell is wide. And that road is full of sin and the wages of sin is death.
Matthew 7:13-14 says - Enter ye in the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat. Because strait is the gate , and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
To follow that narrow path to Heaven, we must walk in LOVE. To truly be filled with love in your hearts you must first love the Lord, just as He loves you. Jesus said in Matthew 22:37-39 - Thou shalt love the lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
In order to walk that path, you must love God and one another. There is only one way to get on that pathway to Heaven and that is through Jesus. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man shall enter the kingdom of heaven except through me. The admission for you is easy, but the journey after is not always simple. It is extremely easy to slip and fall away… The mind tends to falter…and The Wages of Sin IS Death!
3-7 - The road to hell is full of fornicators! Fornication is sex between two people that are not married to each other and the bible tells us that we are to flee this sin. 1 Corinthians 6:18- 20 - FLEE FORNICATION! Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s!
We are to glorify God with everything we have including the temple which our spirit resides in. OUR BODIES. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 - Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. This body is a temple that has been paid for. And the price for us was Him. God’s son Jesus Christ! The Wages Of Sin IS death! It is death. The price for our sins was Christ’s death. How undeserving we are.
How many times have you thought or said, “I want… I want… I want…” What are you doing when you look at someone and see what they have and want what they have so bad? You are coveting! Exodus 19:17 - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor’s. Very plain! Very Simple! We are supposed to be content with the things that God has given us. He has given us air to breathe, land to walk on, another day of life And He has given us His son Jesus Christ! The bible tells us not to covet certain things, but does it tell us not to covet altogether? 1 Corinthians 12:31 - But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet show I unto you a more excellent way. And then in chapter 14 verses 1 - Follow after charity and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy. We are to covet not the things of this world, but rather the things of God. And us as Christians should be working hard to make people want what we have! When I was younger, I wanted a lot of things… I coveted a lot. But I never knew that I was coveting something of God. Because before I was saved, before I came to know the Lord I looked at my Grandpa and I always knew that he had something that I didn’t have. I could tell by the way he acted. I wanted what he had. I coveted salvation. Be careful of what you are wanting, of what you are coveting today. Are you coveting the things of God or are you coveting other worldly things. Do you covet wealth, do you covet fame, other women? It is all Sin. The wages of sin IS death!
Verse 4 - Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting… How many times have you thought about what you were saying? A lot of times we speak without thinking. I know that I am guilty of it. Especially when I was a teenager at home with my parents. I NEVER thought before I spoke. I was thinking as I was saying it. Sometimes I would say something and then disagree with what I said after I had said it. But, in this particular verse, it is talking about speaking words of filth and foolishness. Meaningless words that are not needed. Cursing is a sin! Even talking foolish without cursing is a sin! We are to walk IN LOVE. How can you be walking IN LOVE and cursing and speaking in vain at the same time!? Well, maybe you think God wasn’t listening that day you said those things. I am sure he would let it slide anyways. I was angry or upset when I said those things. I didn’t really mean it. You better think again! God knows all sees all and HEARS all. He knows what you were going to say even before it came falling out of your mouth. And God will hold you accountable! Jesus said in Matthew 12:36-37 - But I say unto you, That every idle word that men speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. Are you glorifying God or are you glorifying Satan with the words that you speak. The wages of sin IS death!
Romans 12:2 -And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. What is the will of God? Is the will of God for you to take the path that is wide and walk in darkness? Is it the will of Got that you should be fornicators lusting after every earthly thing and coveting after everything of this world and speaking the filth of this world and watching the filth of this world and listening to the filth of this world? What is the will of God? The will of God is that NO MAN, No MAN would die. That pathway will KILL you. It will kill your soul. Lets face it, this body is nothing. Like we said, it is but a temple for God. A temple for our soul to reside in. So tell me now, how much time do you have left to be saved? Do you know? Nobody knows how much time they have. But know this; when you are called, when your time is up, that’s it. You have no more chances. No more time to decide. In that next second after your death where will you be… in heaven with Jesus. Lord of Lords, King of Kings our Saviour or… will you be in Hell, dying eternally in fire and torment? Hell is a real place. Jesus made it a point to let everyone know that Hell was a place to avoid! He mentioned it more times than he mentioned heaven. So where are you going? Which path will you choose and how much time do you have left? Will you choose the pathway of sin which leads to death and destruction; For the wages of sin is death. Or will you have your sins covered by the blood of Jesus Christ? Jesus knew what the will of God was. Jesus carried that cross through those narrow streets and He was beat and kicked and spit at. When He finally managed to get to that hill. Mount Calvary, he allowed them to drive nails into His Right hand. He allowed them to drive nails into His left hand. And He allowed them to drive nails into His feet. He then allowed them to lift the cross up. And He hung there while they mocked and watched. And when He was hanging there in pain, bleeding the sins of the world through His body, he said, “Father! Forgive them. For they know not what they do…” And He fulfilled the will of God as He died on that cross. For the Wages of sin IS death. And now He is sitting on the Right hand of God saying, “Father. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.” There is a way to have your sins forgiven. To have your soul saved from Eternal Death. Jesus Christ can save your soul

Are you walking a wide pathway alone? When you walk, wouldn’t you rather have someone at your side? When you accept Jesus into your heart, when you get down on your knees and pray, Lord forgive me, I have sinned! I am a sinner and I know that you are the one true God and I know that you died for my sins and I ask you now to save my soul from hell. Save me now lord Jesus. At that moment, Jesus takes your hand, lifts you up off of your knees and says come, walk with me and I will give you rest. I will wipe away your tears and carry your burden. Come walk with me in God’s Righteousness. From that moment on, youll never walk alone.
　

Insert Cliche Title Here...

Someone once said to me, and I am paraphrasing, "I will go wherever you go. It does not matter where you are, I just want to be with you." You see, that was back when I thought I was going to go places and see things...

I never thought that I would still be here today. But as of this moment in time, I am here. In pretty much the same state of living I always have had. Some things have changed. I have an apartment. Im married. I have a cat. I have a job.

So, to clear some things up... In the beginning, I knew that this was not what I was supposed to be doing and that there was something planned for me to do, and as of this moment, approximately 4 years from then, I am still here.

Stay with me for a little while longer...

I have always been so sure of everything. I mean, when I was in highschool, I could not make a decision to save my life, but after that, I started making all of these big decisions. And I was always so sure of what I wanted. Or was I? I mean, I decided to go to McKendree basically because I did not want to go where my current girlfriend was going. Maybe, that was too big of a YES. And I was afraid of that yes. Tonight, I can honestly say that I have doubts.

I know that there is something for me to do. I know that there is something other than this. But I doubt that I will ever get anything accomplished. There are too many things that I want.

I cant get this off my mind. I think about this all of the time... I have heard my grandpa say this a few times, "When I die, and I see Jesus, I want Him to say WELL DONE." I believe that this has to be one of the biggest motivators of life itself. What do you want Him to say? I want Him to say "well done!" And as of right now, I know that I am falling short of those words. If I were to take my last breath and the very next moment see Jesus, I really don't know.

I know that this seems choppy, but I had to write... I start thinking about time and I get really worried about things. I know that I have made some unwise decisions that I regret and wish I could go the other way. I want to make one thing perfectly clear, though. I love my wife. Amanda is almost perfect. I would never doubt the decision to make her part of my life forever. I know that I want more to my life, and I want to make it clear that I want more to my life, with her in it. Whatever I decide, I will always want her in the big picture.

Satan Underestimated...

God is great and almighty and all knowing! Praise Him forever and ever. There. I wanted to proclaim that so there will be no confusion. The title of this post could throw some people off.

In sports, I hear the term often that "The best defense is a good offense." I have used this statement for many cases. "The War on Terror," is a perfect example in which this statement can be used. {Aside} We are still at war and probably always will be "at war" with terrorists. So that is exactly what I WILL call it. I refuse to use the "Overseas contigency" point of view.

Anyway, The best defense is a good offense. This is almost a battle strategy for our struggle against satan. We have to be aware of who satan is and what his goals are. So who is satan? Satn is a fallen angel. Yes, an angel that was thrown from heaven by God. In Isaiah 14:12-15 we learn that Satan wanted to be like the most high in heaven. He wanted to be as great, if not better, than God. So, God threw him into the pit of hell. Satan is all about self glorification. And he will do anything to keep someone from God.

Satan is smart and resourceful. His goal is to keep as many people as he can away from heaven. He couldnt have it, so why should we? I think that is his reasoning. He will use anything he can to trap you. Think about everything that satan uses to make you stray. He makes them all look so great! That's part of his plan. Lets just make a list...

People - He uses people against people. Rivalries against eachother and races are all part of his plan. He would love nothing more for us to hate eachother. In fact, it is working for him in some aspects.

Sex - Well this is almost self explanatory. He uses sex in every aspect you can imagine.

Family - He is turning families against families. He is tearing families apart over things like people, sex, drugs... you name it.

Technology - This is a BIG help to satan. Im not saying that technology is bad. It is only bad when we start using technology more than other things.

Time - This is probably the biggest tool that is helpful to satan. Satan has the ablility to mask the presence of time. His biggest "play" is his playbook, i think, is keeping us busy. Think about it. How many times have you ever said, as an excuse for something, "I was just so busy this week." How many times do we not read our bibles because we weere just too busy? How many times do we skip church because we have such a busy day ahead and we need sleep? How many times have husbands or wives just been too busy to stop and appreciate eachother? How many times has a mother or father been too busy? How many times have we not done what God wants us to because we think wwe are too busy?

The best defense is a good offense. Be aware of what is going on and act before he tackles you. Because once he tackles you, it is VERY hard to recover. It is NOT impossible, because God breaks all chains, but it is difficult for some people to be humble. Be on the offense!