Insert Cliche Title Here...

Someone once said to me, and I am paraphrasing, "I will go wherever you go. It does not matter where you are, I just want to be with you." You see, that was back when I thought I was going to go places and see things...

I never thought that I would still be here today. But as of this moment in time, I am here. In pretty much the same state of living I always have had. Some things have changed. I have an apartment. Im married. I have a cat. I have a job.

So, to clear some things up... In the beginning, I knew that this was not what I was supposed to be doing and that there was something planned for me to do, and as of this moment, approximately 4 years from then, I am still here.

Stay with me for a little while longer...

I have always been so sure of everything. I mean, when I was in highschool, I could not make a decision to save my life, but after that, I started making all of these big decisions. And I was always so sure of what I wanted. Or was I? I mean, I decided to go to McKendree basically because I did not want to go where my current girlfriend was going. Maybe, that was too big of a YES. And I was afraid of that yes. Tonight, I can honestly say that I have doubts.

I know that there is something for me to do. I know that there is something other than this. But I doubt that I will ever get anything accomplished. There are too many things that I want.

I cant get this off my mind. I think about this all of the time... I have heard my grandpa say this a few times, "When I die, and I see Jesus, I want Him to say WELL DONE." I believe that this has to be one of the biggest motivators of life itself. What do you want Him to say? I want Him to say "well done!" And as of right now, I know that I am falling short of those words. If I were to take my last breath and the very next moment see Jesus, I really don't know.

I know that this seems choppy, but I had to write... I start thinking about time and I get really worried about things. I know that I have made some unwise decisions that I regret and wish I could go the other way. I want to make one thing perfectly clear, though. I love my wife. Amanda is almost perfect. I would never doubt the decision to make her part of my life forever. I know that I want more to my life, and I want to make it clear that I want more to my life, with her in it. Whatever I decide, I will always want her in the big picture.