"And I Have Made Up My Mind That Those Days Are Gone..."

I will try to do a better job of writing here. Not that anyone really reads it. I mean I post it on Facebook, not to say, "Here look at me, read my stuff." But to let people know what is going on in my life. I am an open person and If you are going to be my friend, I expect that back. I guess that is why I post it on Facebook. Only my true friends are on Facebook. I'm not one of those people who have people on their facebook just so they will have a lot of connections. I'm not sure that's what FB was intended for. Why should I have someone I went to school with, that I never talked to, or they never talked to me, on my FB? I don't. In fact I probably need to go through and delete some people from my Friends list that I no longer talk to. I will post this before I do, In case I delete you and then you can remember this post I put up and know why I did...

So a lot of stuff is happening or has happened. First the disappointing news... I did not make the Cast List of "NOAH!" It is mostly disappointing because it is the BIGGEST audition I have ever done. It was a BIG rejection. I have a lot of different thought on the results and what this is supposed to mean for me... Maybe this biz just is not what I am supposed to be doing. Maybe I am doomed to be in Community Theatre for the rest of my life. You know, maybe I am not supposed to get paid to do what I love. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with Community Theatre. I LOVE IT! I really do. Other thoughts.... maybe that was just a learning experience.... sort of a class before the big one... I don't know...
I will be, however, doing THE PROMISE again this year. I probably will not be playing the role of JESUS this year either. I just cut off all of my hair:( But, I would not expect to be cast in that part this year regardless. I am sure that Andy wanted to do it this year. He did it 5 or 6 years ago and has wanted to try it again. I do not have a problem with it, but I do know If I were to audition for the same role as him, I would not be cast over him for different particular reasons... enough said. I Love THE PROMISE. I look forward to it every year. This will be my fourth year in it. I played Jesus the first TWO years and Joseph this last year. It is one of the most rewarding things to do. It really lets you express what you believe in through music like nothing I have done before. Maybe I can convince my mom or Amanda to be in it this year. I think they would enjoy it.

On more positive news... I AM GOING TO BE A DADDY! This is such good news! We really wanted this so badly and God has granted it to us this chance once again. She starts her SECOND trimester next week. That is VERY good news. The risks of miscarriage diminish immensely after the First Trimester. So far we have had TWO sonograms and last week we got to hear Our Baby's heartbeat. It was amazing. January 20th, we go for an ultrasound and we get to find out the sex of the baby.. if we want to. I really want to, but I also want to be surprised, so I don't know... Believe it or not, we have already agreed on a few names. This is BIG news, because Amanda and I cannot decide on things like where to eat or get a haircut, let alone our child's name... We are very happy. It is upsetting that I no longer have someone who they can call uncle. Or someone to be their Godfather...

I think that this is a door for me... I have always hated change. Changes that are bad anyway. I always had a hard time when family moved away, or friends moved away and it is even harder when friends no longer are your friends. I have always sort of just stopped my life and let others proceed with theirs. I never moved on with my life. I think that time for me is over. I have to start moving on. And if the people that I want to be in the picture want to be there also, so be it. But it is up to them if they want to be in my life. I'm moving on...

"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on"